Marital
Breakdown and Separation
When
a couple or individual present for relationship counselling there
has often been a ‘precipitating’ event. One partner
leaves or threatens to leave; an affair is discovered; or there
is an increase in intensity or frequency of arguing.
The role of therapist is to assist the parties to understand the
issues and concerns for each partner in the relationship; and to
work towards greater resolution and understanding.
Fergus's style aims to make the counselling process educative as
well as revealing, with the counselling process aiming to improve
the couples negotiation and conflict resolution skills.
When there is a high degree of conflict or mistrust in the relationship,
or each partner has very different objectives or goals, it is sometimes
beneficial for each party to attend counselling separately at first.
The following
Relationship Warning Signs can signal
that there are problems in a relationship that may lead to difficulties
further down the track and may warrant consideration.
Relationship
Warning Signs:
- Constant
high level of conflict - with arguments that recur without any
resolution or movement.
- High level
of disconnection, contempt, or lack of care/concern.
- Feeling
constantly resentful or angry towards your partner - and being
unable to do anything about it.
- Not being
able to argue or discuss things at all - especially at times of
high stress or change.
- Discussing
or arguing ‘in your head’ - rather than with your
partner.
- Colluding
with others against your partner (e.g. with in-laws or siblings).
- Fearing
your partner - or their response to issues you might raise and
the feelings and needs associated with them.
- Planning
or thinking about a future without your partner.
- Developing
intimate relationships with other people that are more intimate
than that with your partner
- No physical
contact.
- Choosing
to be away rather than with your partner (e.g. by working very
long hours)
- Unable to
work together - for example on household or family chores - because
working together leads to too much bickering or arguing.
If any, or a
few of these points seem familiar, counselling might assist you
and your partner to understand what’s happening in the relationship
and move towards greater understanding or resolution.
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